“I hate a man who always says ”yes” to me. When I say ”no” I like a man who also says ”no.”” Samuel Goldwyn
How To Say No To People
I know many times personally when asked by someone to do something, instead of saying what I felt inside me, which was no, I said yes. The hardest time to say no to people is usually to our friends and family.
We don’t want to let them down or make them feel bad, even though deep down we wanted to say no because we did not feel right about it.
Learn to become aware of your feelings and internal dialogue, and when approached with a request listen to your inner voice and follow it. Deep down you really know what things will bring you peace or take you further away from that state of being. We need to learn to go from being reactive to proactive beings, who respond to situations in accordance with our inner harmony.
So next time your friend invites you to a night out on the town, learn to listen to your inner voice. If it says to go have a great time, then go enjoy yourself. If your voice says that’s a bad idea and that you should continue working on your project, learn how to say no to people and feel good about following your voice.
Each time you make the decision to follow your inner voice, you make yourself stronger. Each time you give in and comply with something you don’t agree with, you are giving away some of your power.
Learn to be completely responsible for every facet of your being; learn to even accept responsibility for all your thoughts. If you become aware of some thoughts that you don’t like, accept responsibility, let go of them, and think of something new. You and only you are responsible for where you place your mind’s attention.
The more you watch what’s going on inside you with no attachment, the more space you create to see things more objectively. So when you are confronted with situations, you are able to see what’s really there and respond intelligently and in your best interest.
When you are intensely identified with your thoughts, reality gets filtered only through your thoughts and therefore reality becomes distorted, it’s as if you have on blinders. When you become more watchful, it’s as if you take the blinders off and are able to see a situation as it really is and not just your mind’s interpretation of it.
How to say no to people lies in understanding what’s going on inside you and having the proper awareness to respond to the situation. If you are clear-headed enough and in tune with your self you will have the power to say no, if that’s the best response for your situation.
Below are a few posts to help you increase your awareness and become more watchful which will help you respond to your external reality.
If you find my site valuable please pass it along to your friends and family.
How To Increase Your Awareness and Expand Your Consciousness
How To Develop Your 6th Sense: Intuition
How To Be Quiet and Stop Thinking
Down The Rabbit Hole: How To Get Out of Wonderland
I could not agree more. I blogged about this a little while ago and am struggling with “listening to my internal voice” and saying No. I really like your statement that you must have proper awareness of the situation. I can look back and see that the times that I have backed myself into a corner by saying Yes when I should have said No were times that I did not pay attention to the situation. Thanks for pointing out this fact so succinctly.
Great post. “I have the right to say no.” I used to struggle with this a lot, after all, I want to be liked and would worry more about someone else’s feelings more than my own. This is a recipe for resentments!
I good guide for me… if I feel I may resent the commitment or person in the future, I’m doing it for the wrong reasons. But, as Ivan said, I must be in-tune with my inner self to recognize that. It takes practice, but all starts from being OK with who I am, that I’m not responsible for other peoples happiness. I’m also not responsible for hurting someones feelings if I say no… of course I need to be mindful how I respond, but in many cases I do not have to give a reason. A simple no is OK.
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thank you so much for contributing to my site 🙂 I appreciate your thoughts and perspectives 🙂
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Fantastic piece, thank you, such an important point of learning for me, a Yes guy!
I would also suggest the great power of saying when applicable “I don’t know” and reserve the right to be uncertain while you listen in to hear the inner wisdom. Or “I don’t know yet” if that is more diplomatic.
I noticed that as I grew older, I gradually gained confidence to utter the ‘N’ word. Maturity does have its perks, but If I were to have a chance to re-live this life, I definitely would not wait for nature to give this confidence and guts to me in her own time. Looking back, had I practiced saying No earlier, my life would be entirely different, in the sense that there were important choices that were made for me, instead of by me.
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Perfect timing!! I’ve been thinking about this for the last day or so. It seems that most internal conflict and unhappiness comes from our reactions (usually habitual) to requests from other people. Either that or our halucinations about how another person is currently reacting to our actions (or lack of action). For example; rushing home because you think your significant other is going to be upset or already is. In both cases, we are taking “an action” based on our perception of what another person is going to think, feel or react too. By definition, this is “insanity” since we are reacting to an illusion. Even if the illusion becomes real, only at that point does it really make sense to take the necessary action to deal with it. Which is also a waste of time and effort because if you are truly self actualized you really have no need to spend time with people who get upset with you for being who you are.
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@Robert:
Thanks robert for contributing to my blog :)…I appreciate you adding some great points to for all of us to contemplate….hope all is well….Ivan
one of the things that i should learn but having a hard time in doing… thanks for sharing ivan
im not sure why its so hard to say no, i dont knwo if its a cultural thing… filipinoas are non-confrontational people and generally we always agree with almost anything…