Who Do You Dislike? And Why It’s Important To Like Them

“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.” H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It’s Not You It’s Me: How To Really Change Myself

Today I want you to take the time to think about someone who you really dislike, nay, someone who you may even despise.

What is it that irritates you most about them? Is it that they are inconsiderate? That they don’t listen? Or maybe that they are overly narcissistic?

What if I told you that it is entirely possible to even learn to like these people, and that it’s actually in your best interest to do so. Don’t believe me? Well, if you give me a few minutes of your time and if you make you a sincere effort you will see why other people, especially ones that irritate you, hold the key to immense understanding of yourself and the world.

One of the main problems is that we are more conscious of other people’s behavior then we are of our own. We don’t deeply realize that we are the source and cause to how we process reality and therefore pass on the responsibility to external sources. We take our moods, thoughts, feelings, emotions, to be ourselves. We are completely lost in them. Meaning we are identified and derive our total sense of self from them.

Most people take whatever thoughts, emotions, and moods that they are having in the moment to be their identity. But how could you be your thoughts, emotions, and moods if you can observe them? Let that sink in and contemplate the ramifications of this realization if you have never seriously done so. Who you really are is the pure awareness that is beyond any label that can perceive these inner manifestations.

If you can’t psychologically divide yourself into two, meaning, an observer and observed side. You will be in a state of identification, which is to be unconscious, because you are under the power of your thoughts and emotions. You take them to be who you are. This is to live a life of reaction by being a slave to life and all its events. No actions spring from our own doing, every action is provoked externally. If you learn to sharpen your awareness, after much hard work on yourself, your thoughts and emotions become objects to you. Objects that you can observe with out judging and condemning. If you can reach this stage in self development, you will be on the road to really understanding yourself.

Now, let’s get back to the people who you dislike and irritate you. Think of all the reasons why they irritate you. Ok, do you have a nice big list? What if I told you the major reason why those things irritate you, is because you yourself possess those very things that you hate.

Well, if your like most people, you won’t be able to see it. You won’t want to. You will say I’m never late, I am always considerate, I am nice, I am thoughtful, I don’t gossip about others, I don’t boast or brag about myself, etc.

The reason that other people irritate you, is because somewhere deep inside you, these ugly manifestations are lurking. You can call it the content of your unconscious mind if you like. We have thousands of mental pictures that prevent us from seeing the ugly side of ourselves. But you can easily see they exist because you will project them onto others. This way you can slyly pass on the responsibility to something else.

You really need to see that you are the cause to everything. What do I mean by this? I mean that we all live in our very own psychic world. We make contact with the physical(visible) world by means of our psychic (invisible) world. If you really contemplate it you will see that our psychic world is even more real than the so called physical world, which can easily be distorted through our physical senses. Do you not spend your whole day lost in your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and moods? All of which are invisible from people. It’s easy to see then why in actuality we are all completely alone and we feel no one understands us. How could they?

When you see a person, you merely get a visual impression of that person through your eyes and whatever feeling you have towards them springs within you. If you look at a stranger and suddenly feel an unpleasant feeling (they may have provoked it, but are they the cause?), is it something that you can really ascribe to this person? Or is it something inside you that is unpleasant? What could they be possibly be helping you to see within your self?

If you learn to see yourself more objectively, you will begin to see all the things that you only saw in the other, within yourself. It’s quite a shocking thing to see all the beautiful images you had of yourself be destroyed when you let a ray of light in. You get a glimpse into parts of your psyche that where always left unobserved. The unobserved is now observed. All of a sudden you see that you lie, you gossip, you criticize, that you are inconsiderate of others just as much as the people you condemn. This is what it means to voluntarily suffer.

If we can sincerely see and accept the ugly side of ourselves, we begin to heal ourselves. These neurotic behaviors once clearly seen hundreds of times begin to soften their hold on us. They begin to be flushed out of our system. So, what happens when all these false images of our selves are clearly seen? Our relationship to ourselves and others naturally changes. We get a quite different feeling of ourselves. A more real feeling.

(If you would like to know how to increase your awareness and expand your consciousness please read my introductory post here.)

How To Change Your Attitude About Life

It’s like magic, when all of a sudden the things that irritated you about the other person cease to upset you. You can understand and relate to them because you can literally place yourself in their shoes. How could you get mad at them for something you yourself are equally guilty of? You will also feel a sense of compassion because you see it’s not really their own fault. They are just not conscious of themselves. As Jesus would say, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do”.

Another very strange thing happens. When all those nasty things that you ascribed to them fall away, you may actually find things you like about them. You are seeing them in a different light and now that you are not perceiving them in a purely negative light, you will see things that you can admire. It’s quite an extraordinary and sobering experience to see for yourself that it’s possible to like things that you disliked and dislike things that you previously liked. This just means that you are becoming more inwardly flexible, because you are becoming less identified to all the images and attitudes that give you fixed opinions on everything.

I am currently working on a guide to proper self observation and meditation. If you are interested in knowing when it is finished please sign up for my newsletter. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. I sincerely hope it helps in some way. Peace.

12 Responses to Who Do You Dislike? And Why It’s Important To Like Them

  1. Very good post Ivan. For the past several years I’ve been contemplating this very concept. As someone who is very aware of myself and my actions (which aren’t always favorable… I am only human), I’ve come to conclude that it’s not always a reflection of me that I’m seeing in someone else. As Sylvia Brown (psychic medium for over 30 years) puts it, there are negative energies among us. Sometimes we truly can’t relate to others and that’s ok. I’ll use this extreme as an example: Being disgusted by a murderer isn’t a reflection of something lurking inside, or a perception of yourself. They just have really negative intentions and have a damaged soul. So this very concept is one that I’ve been challenged with for several years….and will most likely continue to question. With people on a less extreme basis, I do agree that we all have things to learn about ourselves through others, especially when we pass a judgement or become irritated with that person.

    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts my friend :)…really appreciate it…we all come from the same universal source…life is one organic hole…we just express and perceive it differently through our individual bodies…we are the world and everything included in it… ultimately at the level of consciousness I am you and you are me…the ultimate game in which the universe is enjoying it’s immense diversity and creation…if everyone where more conscious of their true nature…what we label as evil would cease to exist…

  2. What an insightful post Ivan! I’ve read about this before in the past but didn’t really believe it. Fast forward a couple of years and it totally resonates with me. But then again, nearly everything you write is very insightful. Thanks for taking time to write and have a great day!

  3. Im really impressed by your words, you are right in everything you just told us, and i appreciate it so very much.

    There is a little problem i wanted to share, and really need a help about.

    Im a medical student, and i decided to study medicine with my full awareness and interest, but by time, i started hating it, its because of the no friends i got in college, no good professors i deal with, and in the same time, no encouragement i get. it is like i was thinking about something, have drawn a certain big lovely paiting and was shocked by the society. and till now, after i did my best, i just could regain the so little of my interest to rush into the world of the job i decided to be.
    As if i almost lost the trut in myself, and i really need a big help to overcome this and move on.
    Everytime i decide to go ahead, aomething happens and makes me go 100 steps backward, till i find me again standing in the middle of a square no. -50!!
    Something else,
    I came so close to the world of zodiac signs, and i found out that im Leo, what depressed me more, cause i soon searched into the jobs suitable for leo and fonud nothing about medicine, which irked me more and more. and i started to feel a big failure inside me, is if im doing nothing in my life, or, as i it is all a big lie, or a big step to fall down to somewhere below the highest level i can get myself up.
    My mom told me not to believe in these myths, but i didnt listen to her, i couldnt listen to her.
    I wish i didnt annoy you by this very long comment, but i feel like, finally i found someone who may care, at least because it could be a part of the job you decided to take on,
    God bless you

    P.S i already published this comment on a previous post of your blog, im afraid it could be missed, so published it here anyways. 🙂

  4. Great Article Ivan…You really simplified why we unconsciously dislike others and how our emotions get the best of us. I know for me, I always use to to act on my emotions, thinking that was who I was as a person. I had to look deep down in myself and realize that what I didn’t like in others is what I didn’t like in myself. This article brings back so many memories of my lostness lol…Great post tho, very insightful!!

  5. Hi Ivan,
    Ok, so…I’m a newbie here so I’d like to get that out first off..
    Who do I dislike and why?
    Gosh, I could think of a million people outside of myself, but really…I dislike my self the most.
    Not as a regular thought, but as a recurring interface that happens to come to light only when I realize that anything that happens to me, happens because of my own thoughts and therefore, I make my own reality.
    I tend to attract people that mistake my kindness for weakness.
    Whenever I detect others using that kindness as weakness and therefore taking advantage of me, I react with hurt, anger, and most times like someone who I really would not like to know.
    Get my point? It’s usually my reaction to others that contains the real reason for my dislike. I feel the push and I push back.
    This never changes who I am inside, but when it is all said and done, I usually bring it all back to me and how I react….
    Do this make sense to anyone?
    It is us and how we act or re-act to people and situations.
    I would have to say….when push comes to shove, it’s usually me who I dislike for my re-action to others who put stress out there or on me.

  6. Ivan, thank you for sharing your views. The one person that I dislike is a lady on my job. She is a bully and is oftentimes straight rude to others.

    If what you are saying is true, then I must look at the bully in me and make an effort not to be rude to others. I see myself as a compassionate person who is not rude or a bully.

    You have given me insight on observing myself as others see me.

    Thank you.

  7. The question for me upon this exploration is: do we have free will and to what extent? One source casts the light, creates the prism through which that light is revealed and expresses through the existence of time. If there is only ONE, who is there to blame? If there is only ONE, who is there to suffer? One source plays infinite roles on the grand stage of life for the purpose of sheer entertainment. Simply, there is nothing else better to do! From what I have learned, there are no individuals. This is what the Buddha realized. No-self. Einstein said that free will is an illusion. Why take life so seriously then? Might as well float down the river of life rather than rail against the current. Ivan, please correct me where I’m wrong.

  8. ahhh. Judgement, judgment and more judgement. WIthout judgement (my egocentric self) it is possible to see! Like night and day, my light is still blinking from mind to soul. It is true.. that dark cannot exist in the light and light does not exist in the dark. I am aware of this but cannot control it, only witness it. Intuition and knowing is truth (and yes it exists outside of time)…..but that would exclude my mind, and my mind doesn’t like this fact.

    My intention has the inexplicable yearning to experience truth and be in the light and in the now, because I know upon seeing truth, there is no need for judgement or action, and once the light has been seen, everything is exposed and love and peace have resolved everything instantly, with no effort required by my mind or actions.

    And my mind is mystified by this.

Leave a reply