“Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, it is twice blessed.”
Erastus Wiman
Common Courtesy 101
As I live my day-to-day life, it seems to me that most of the population is living in their own self-created bubble. Living in a bubble they act with complete disregard for the people around them. You can see people’s lives written all over their faces, if they are unhappy you can see it, even if on the surface they have a smile. They are so caught up in their world that they share it with everyone that is around them.
My mother ever since I was young taught me to be polite, and I tried my best growing up because I believed that’s what society expected. Now that I am a little older and hopefully a little wiser, I choose to be polite not because it’s the socially right thing to do, but because I want to be someone who adds something positive to his environment.
Try a Little Common Courtesy In Your Life
Just try it for a day, make this the day when the focus is not on your own needs and wants. Go into your local coffee shop, ask the cashier how their day is going, but be genuinely interested in the answer. If you do it with genuine interest, they will pick up that you are sincere in your asking.
Many will even become surprised with your attitude because most of the people they encounter don’t care. If it is a place you frequent, you will begin to develop a relationship, which with time will reveal rewards that were never expected. It won’t be long until one day you will be exposed to a new idea, all because you take an interest in other people’s lives.
From my observation, if people are totally consumed in their inner world, and they don’t have the proper level of understanding of how they work internally, become lost. Being lost on the inside is being lost on the outside. Success in this world deals with how well you relate to everything around you. So if you are lost in your own mind, you will not be able to relate with the outside world in a meaningful way.
In dealing with others I like to think of it in terms of energy. My intent is that whenever I meet someone new, I will interact in a way that will add positive energy to the other person. At the very least I want the experience to be neutral, one in which I did not have a negative effect on the person’s life.
As I mentioned above when you experience your life from only your thoughts and mind you create a bubble for yourself. The problem is that it makes you believe you experience your life as being separate from everything and everyone. Seeing yourself as separate from the whole leads you to judge, condemn, criticize, and compete. Going down this road is very difficult because you are constantly in reactive mode, and seeking approval from society.
Common Courtesy Requires Awareness of Self
If you are constantly judging your environment, how will you ever have genuine interactions with others? The answer is you won’t; learn to become aware of your judgments. You will come to find that whatever judgment you make, is the exact thing keeping you from understanding and connecting with whatever you are judging. Next time you judge a person that you have never met, observe your judgment without becoming attached to it. I am sure it will be a great learning experience in understanding your mental and social conditionings that are not your true nature.
Meditation is the key to becoming clear-headed and ultimately more centered in your true inner being. Through daily meditation, you will develop the consciousness of being calm and relaxed. By being calm and relaxed you are able to respond to your environment in the most appropriate way. When you lack mental clarity you will simply react to your environment, and your reactions are always from past experiences, which will not be the appropriate solution to the situation at hand.
When I am calm and relaxed my interactions with other people are always very meaningful, because from these states of being you are actively listening and giving genuine feedback.
We live in a beautiful world with billions of different perspectives, learn to appreciate others. Begin sharing and contributing in any meaningful way you can, you will not only enrich your life but the lives of others. Once you become master of your inner world, you will have the level of awareness necessary to see what is actually happening in your environment. Having this level of awareness you will be able to respond and be open to other people in meaningful ways.
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Thank you so much for posting on this. Meditation and awareness go hand-in-hand with practicing gratitude.
I like to ask people to consider writing letters of gratitude to the most important people in their lives. All kinds of goodness there.
Cheers,
Shann
Ivan, great post. I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve said. I have a young daughter and I often wonder how I am going to teach her to be considerate of others when it seems that the general population is walking around with blatent disregard for manners and concern for other people. I guess all we can do is follow your advice and project the positivity outward in hopes that it will spread. Thank you for the terrific post. Keep up the good work. 🙂
Yes, unfortunately courtesy is not so common and small conflicts are quite obvious on our day-to-day life. Sometimes it just seems that we don’t speak the same language and this happens if you’re american, indian, chinese, iraqi, portuguese or any other. It’s just a matter of seeking the conflict or avoid it, trying to understand the other person. Sometimes people suspect of another just because they’re being kind. I was drinking a coffee once and there was this lady who ordered another coffee. The barmaid brought it but she forgot the sugar. I noticed that and reached the sugar behind the counter and, smiling, gave it to the lady. I mean, I was just being kind because I saw the whole thing in front of me and just did it. If you saw the look on her face when I was giving her the sugar… I asked myself for a moment “Am I holding a knife or something?” …
Pedro Mota’s last blog post..:Just Littl’eyes
@Shann:
@Deb:
@Pedro Mota:
thank you for contributing your thoughts and perspectives :)..very much appreciated 🙂 hope all is well…
Ahh yes–that damn self conscious bubble. thanks for the article. It’s a huge start just to make eye contact and say “hello” before launching into a demand or request. I notice that (we) americans are so guilty of this. it takes so little to be courteous and it yields such tremendous karmic results.
Great post Ivan and very true!! You’re right that if you are consistently kind to others it will come back to you. I’ve seen this in so many ways. I take our team into a coffee shop across the street from our work on a daily basis and always try to go out of my way to show kindness to people and the employees there. The employees really appreciate this a lot and often look forward to us coming in because we’ve let them know that they matter. This has resulted in us not having to pay for our food and drinks for over half of our visits there over the last few months. They’ve refused to take our money. This is definitely not the reason we have sought to be kind to them, but is just an example of what types of things can happen when you sincerely care about those around you.
.-= Glenn Hilton ´s last blog ..From First Glance to Happily Ever After: My Approach to Relationship-Building Through Twitter =-.
thanks glenn for contributing to my community….that was a perfect example :)…thanks for sharing
Ivan, as much as I’d like to see courtesy become common again, I am basking in the fact that my being courteous stands out more in a world that has become far less courteous.
Sounds like opportunity…but being courteous is simply being respectful of others.
Great post!
.-= Peter´s last blog ..Three Simple Steps to Extracting Your Greatness! =-.
thank you 🙂 and I agree….
My 15 year old daughter told me just the other day that she always wondered why people were nice to me in public always wanting to do nice things for me, and then she realized why, it was because I am very nice to them. I think it might have been one of the best comments I have ever received.
that is really awesome :)….thanks for sharing the great story :)…hope all is well