Is Having Sex In a Lucid Dream Cheating?

It Was Only Just a Dream

“All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.” – Edgar Allan Poe

Almost all my life I have been interested in things of occult and mystical nature. One of the first things I began experimenting with was lucid dreaming back when I was in middle school. Lucid dreaming is the act of becoming self aware in the dream state, and then being able to maneuver and manipulate the dream-scape consciously.

I don’t even remember the title of the little booklet that introduced me to this world, all I remember was that the cryptic cover caught my attention and so I grabbed it off the book rack. I hurried home and secretly read it in my bedroom.

The thought of controlling and doing whatever I wanted in my dreams sounded like such an amazing adventure to me. I could hardly wait for it to be night time. I tried everything that little booklet told me and It wasn’t long before I had my first real lucid dream. My first time becoming lucid was pretty amazing, it felt like hyper reality, and it was too much for me to handle so I couldn’t stay self aware for very long. I couldn’t believe no one had told be about this world before. It took me quite a long time to really understand how to navigate the dream world, but once I developed a knack for it every night was like stepping into the world of X-Men.

As I got older and being a healthy young teenager, It wasn’t long before I decided to bring my sexual fantasies  to life. At that time Pamela Anderson was every boys fantasy—and rightly so. Little did my friends know that at night I was starring in my own special version of “Baywatch”.

Lucid dreams can be every bit as real as waking life, and even while in a sexual lucid dream you may still have a physical orgasm.

The Challenges of Having Sex In Your Dreams

“In sleep, fantasy takes the form of dreams. But in waking life, too, we continue to dream beneath the threshold of consciousness, especially when under the influence of repressed or other unconscious complexes.” – Carl Jung

Living out ones sexual fantasies is a very common goal for those who first start learning how to lucid dream.

Lucid dreaming definitely helps us explore every aspect of our imagination and to discover much of the content that has accumulated in our consciousness. You come face to face with the content of your subconscious/unconscious mind. Because of our conditionings many people quickly find that it is not so easy to induce a sexual dream.

I remember the first time I tried I failed miserably. I was walking somewhere that resembled my neighborhood when all of a sudden I realized I was dreaming, so I thought to myself, “Ok…now what should I do…?”. As I walked over to the next street I saw hundreds of people just socializing. Right in the middle of the huge crowd I spot a super cute brunette girl. We make eye contact and just like when Moses parted the red sea, I moved all the people out of my way. As I start to walk up to her, my little heart was beating as I knew what my intentions were. I guess you could say I felt like a kid in a candy store.

I told myself to stay calm and keep my eye on the prize. As I had very limited experience with girls at this point, I used the typical scenario that you would see in bad adult movie as my inspiration. You know, the one where a man and woman only have a friendly introduction and one minute later they are getting it on.

So there I was standing in front of my dream girl. I remember feeling a bit nervous but quickly told myself to get it together. I had to affirm that this was my dream that I was controlling. I’m the boss!

“Hi my name is Ivan”

“Nice to meet you Ivan, I’m _____”

“Nice to meet you too, would you like to come over my house?”

“No! Sorry…”

“What! What do you mean…this is my dream….you can’t say no!…..”

Just like that my little adventure came to an end. I got rejected by my own self.  Why did I do this ? Did deep down I feel guilty about my teenage curiosities?

“The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowledge of the unconscious activities of the mind.” – Sigmund Freud

Lucid dreams provide a lot of material that we can study later on. Interpreting and analyzing your dreams can be very interesting, but it is also very difficult in determining if there is any deep hidden significance behind them, as all dreams are not created equal.

So as you can see, consciously you may want to have certain dreams, but you will come to see that your own subconscious will not always comply and is able to exert its own agenda to overpower your wishes.

I had many dreams where I would try to seduce movie stars, but they  would quickly morph into a not so attractive person or even a totally different type of being as soon as they sensed my intentions. You will realize that many times the characters in your dreams are not interested at all in having sex with you.

The other obstacle is that since a lucid dream can be extremely vivid, you will get very ‘excited’. If these feelings become too overwhelming and you haven’t mastered basic lucid dreaming techniques it will be impossible to keep your dream world stable and consequently you will wake up.

When I started having success was when I began to take a more genuine interest in my dream characters. Hey, by this point I probably had my first girl friend. I wasn’t all about wham bam thank you ma’am. I treated it more like an adventure that I was sharing with another person. It was like I was directing my own action movie adventure. Many times  I got stranded on an island and in our struggle to survive we became fond of each other and as a by-product we became intimate. This is how it usually worked out for me. It was  far more interesting this way then just straight up asking someone to sleep with me. I suggest you do the same.

It really is interesting to see how differently your dream characters act. Sometimes they will be cold and indifferent and at other times they will seem very caring and in need of genuine connection.

Tips For Lucid Dreaming Sex:

  • Once you realise you are dreaming, don’t rush it, try to explore the world around you first. As you adjust to the environment, and you stabilize your awareness within the dream, slowly try to set up your dream scenario in which you attempt to carry out your mission.  The goal is to ease you into the scenario so that your initial excitement doesn’t wake you up.
  • Practice basic dream control skills – learn how to stay calm and balanced during any type of exciting scenario, constantly remind yourself that nothing can happen that can really hurt you in your dreams.
  • Make a clear picture in your mind about the partner you want to have sex with before going to bed, write it down. The more detailed you make it the more exciting and vivid your dream will be. This also serves as a trigger to let you know you are dreaming. If happen to see the person within your dream it will help you question whether you are in a dream or not. It’s like creating your own version of the woman in the red dress from the Matrix.
  • Before falling asleep visualize a clear picture in your mind’s eye about what you want to do, a detailed scenario. I always liked going to exotic island locations.
  • Wherever you are in your dream, if you are stable and comfortable within the dream you can just practice directly summoning people to magically show up. I usually just made a door materialize and when I opened it I had whoever I wanted waiting on the other side.
  • If you feel like your dream is dissolving and becoming unstable quickly bring the palms of your hands in front of your face and simply look at them, notice every detail about them, for some reason this helps me stabilize the dream and maintain my awareness.
  • Keep your eyes moving around the dream-scape. Don’t fix them on your partner or close them, as this may cause the dream to collapse. Don’t get too into it, if you become too identified to the dream you will lose lucidity and it may just turn into a normal dream or simply wake up because it got too exciting. Like I always say on my website, learn to be a passive yet alert witness to everything going on around you. Don’t become identified to any inner and outer object.
  • If you can’t stay self aware for very long do not spend too much time on foreplay, as you may start to lose clarity and not advance the situation.

It has been years since I have tried to have dreams of this sort, but just the other night I had a dream where a very attractive woman was trying to seduce me. It inspired me to write this post. This time however I was the one to turn her down. I let her know I was in a loving and committed relationship and that this wasn’t right. Wow, look at me I have come a long way since my highschool days.

I have never cheated on any of my partners, but in the dream world this can become a complicated topic as to whether this is ethically ok. What is your take on it?

Things to consider.

  • This is all a product of your own imagination, it has nothing to do with another person.  To me it’s more about exploring your own sexuality in the dream world, which may have a limited connection to the life you lead.
  • Having a fantasy about sleeping with a famous person maybe quite harmless but what if it is someone you both know in real life?
  • If this is someone you know, how will it influence you in your real life?
  • Could you use this as a way to spice up or even improve your romantic relationship with your real life partner?

My wife thinks it is cheating because she feels cheating is just not only a physical act but a mental thing. She even considers the mental aspect to be worse than physical cheating because it means her feelings have changed for her partner. To her it is cheating regardless if she slept with someone else.

I am not so sure were I stand on this issue. How about you? Would you care if your partner had sex in their lucid dreams with someone other than you? Please share your thoughts in the comments section. Happy dreams.

If you are now interested in lucid dreaming check out my other posts here:

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16 Responses to Is Having Sex In a Lucid Dream Cheating?

  1. Hey Ivan,
    It’s always fun reading your latest post. Thanks for the info and keep up the good work. So nice to have a young guru who isn’t dressed in safron! :D

  2. Hi!
    I think that it’s mostly about someone’s own interpretation.
    For those who see the world symbolically, they see their dream characters as aspects of themselves, therefore they are not ‘cheating’, only getting to know aspects of themselves in a more intimately.
    For others who see the world more literally, they see their dream characters literally and connect their waking life to their dream life accordingly without much deduction. A dream like this can in their eyes, be a test of their will-power to withstand another person’s intimacy.
    It could also be a mixed case wherein being with a person other than their partner in a dream may be a reflection of suppressed feelings for them, or an indication with a lack of satisfaction in a person’s current relationship. This sort of interpretation requires a deeper look at themselves. It may be that either their relationship needs healing, or a sign that it isn’t right and that they should move on.
    It’s all about your interpretation and the context of the dream. It’s different for everyone.

  3. I used to think sex dreams, fantasies, and porn were like cheating. I think it’s easy to feel betrayed when your partner expresses desire for another person (imaginary, real, celebrities) and I have struggled with my own issues surrounding this in the past. In my current relationship I’ve been coming to terms with these feelings, possibly because I’m growing more comfortable/secure with myself and trusting in my relationship.

    I know that my man still loves and desires me even though he’s attracted to other women. The same is true for me – even though I love him deeply, I find myself having strong sexual desires for all kinds of men and situations.

    More often than not, my boyfriend’s sex drive is lower than mine, but over the last year mine has sunk to an all-time low in our relationship. I attribute that to a number of things: changing/stopping birth control, stress, and lack of spontaneity in the bedroom. When we reached the 2-year mark, I realized that I was sick of being the initiator and not being pursued (we’ve talked about this issue), so I kind of gave up on sex. A year later, things are slowly going back to ‘normal’.

    I woke up this morning after dreaming that I was being pursued by a very sexy, intense man who wanted me badly. He seduced me, and I wanted it. My initial desire began in my dream, but when I woke up it made me want to jump my bf’s bones. It did NOT make me want to run out and find another man to hook up with.

    It’s almost like my subconscious was working for me, giving me that desirable feeling, making me feel pursued, which is very exciting. People love being flattered and liked by others, so it kind of makes sense that this happens our dreams. Like another poster commented though, it might also be a sign that there’s something to be improved upon in one’s life/relationship.

    Sorry for the novel! :)

  4. Thank you for this post, it was interesting and insightful :) I often try the door trick too, it almost never fails me! I also can relate to the change of the character as they learn my not-so-innocent intentions, but most of the time I can “command” them to change back at once (“and keep the beard on!”) XD
    As for the “cheating/not cheating” thoughts:
    I’m not sure.. Whatever happens in lucid dream stays in lucid dream right? I think it would be cheating if me or by bf would try to come back every night to that particular character/person in a dream and lose interest in each other. Otherwise it’s fine by me. I am a bit cautious with that kind of stuff though. I mean I once experienced being a part of a tree and had an orgasm when the sun rays touched me, that can’t be cheating right? :) But if it is a real person, for example a co-worker it would be awfully awkward for me to see him and my bf the next morning anyway, even if my bf will not consider it cheating, so I kinda try to avoid using real people (even if they’re hot ;), unless they’re celebrities or someone I’m not likely to meet in the next decade..

  5. Dreams aren’t cheating. It’s foolish to think so considering who your partner/s may actually be. If I dream of being thrown into bed by the easter bunny, then I’d be ‘cheating’ on my partner with a fictional mammal. Following the old fashioned rule: It’s ok to look, but not touch. That is to say that you can imagine doing all the dirty, sordid, sexual things you want to anyone and anything, but it’s only a problem when it occurs in reality. I mean, I’ve dreamt I’ve stolen the crown jewels, but Interpol isn’t after me!

    Also, no disrespect meant to you or your partner… But physical cheating being better than mental cheating? That’s almost like an excuse you hear after someone’s been caught with their pants (and someone else’s) down.

  6. This blog was… how do I say it? Relevant!!
    Finally I’ve found something that helped me. Kudos!
    Garry´s last blog post ..Garry

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