“named must your fear be, before banish it you can” Yoda from Star Wars
Dealing With Conflicts In Interpersonal Communication
Effective communication is no doubt of the upmost importance to living a balanced life. There are many levels and types of communication, from simple chit chat with your neighbor to a heartfelt conversation with a loved one.
Having to adapt and deal with the many levels of human interaction can sometimes take a toll on you. Effective communication is not simply how well you can communicate your thoughts, requests, ideas, and feelings with others, but how well you can communicate with your inner self.
I know all of us have had to deal with the effects of not being able to communicate effectively. Many people will end up pushing your buttons, which they may or may not be aware that they are doing. Instead of dealing with these issues appropriately in the moment many deal with them by simply repressing them.
Repression only hides them in your unconscious until one day any little thing can set if off, and the other person is lost as to what they did. It’s not what he or she did today but what happened month’s ago and has finally manifested itself. There are several steps that one can take to avoid situations like this, which are destructive to both parties.
Conflict Resolution Tips:Questions To Ask Yourself In a Difficult Situation
Step 1. Separate Observation from Evaluation: What actually happened? Define it without simply relying on your interpretation of it. Be objective and detached as much as possible when describing the event. When you evaluate your situation you are attaching your own meaning to it, you are being biased. When you simply observe, it will empower you to see how you respond with an emotional interpretation. It will help you see how you become lost in your emotions, and see how your interpretation becomes skewed.
Step 2. Define Your Feelings: Describe as best as you can how you are feeling. Avoid using words that victimize you or place the blame on the external world. Simply say how your inner being is feeling. Do you feel relaxed, sad, bored, joyful, etc.
Step 3. State Your Needs Clearly: How is someone going to know there is something wrong unless you let them know what your needs are. If you are not feeling loved in your relationship, tell them that you need to feel loved.
Step 4. Ask Don’t Demand: People don’t respond well to demands, it hurts their ego. If you learn to ask effectively, it has a much higher chance of being fulfilled. Don’t be general, use a specific behavior. If you want your partner to be more loving, don’t just ask them that you want them to be more loving. Tell them that you would like it if they give you a kiss everyday before going to work, or buying you roses from time to time.
In a conflict allow yourself to step back from the emotions in the moment, don’t become consumed with them. Remember that the best approach is conscious communication.
Example: Your husband just got home and is 1 hour late for your 2 year anniversary dinner. Not only that but he forgot all about it, and when he walks in the room he asks you “hey honey, how was your day?”
Before you blow up and start throwing things, do a quick run down of the 4 questions.
- 1. What do you observe? Don’t become lost in your emotions, step back, and take a breather. Maybe there is a good explanation that is not yet apparent.
- 2. How does it make you feel? Possibly you feel sad or disappointed, that he forgot a meaningful day.
- 3. Determine Your Need: That you need to feel appreciated.
- 4. Make a request: That you would like him to be more conscious of how meaningful this day was for you and that in the future you would like him to treat it as such.
In a nutshell this is how these 4 questions can help you deal or diffuse a difficult situation. If you can deal with it in the moment it will save you a lot of heartache and confusion later on.
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